Stray cat

I want to write for the New York Times

2010-12-19T17:47:00.003-05:00

Dear Pinnacle Studio 14

2010-08-12T12:19:00.001-04:00

I hate you.

Redesigning the almighty hot dog

2010-02-22T11:10:00.005-05:00

American pediatricians are leading a charge to change the phallic shape of the delicious but not-so-nutritious hot dog. It seems the traditional camping favourite is a choking hazard, but unlike carrots, grapes, pears, apples, and popcorn, hot dogs are man-made and their rod-like shape can be easily changed. According to Canadian organization Safekids, about 44 children age 14 and under die every year from choking and another 380 are hospitalized. Almost half of those cases are from choking on food, although there's no indication in the article what foods they are choking on.

The solution? Have manufacturers slice hot dogs lengthwise (shall they eat them for us too?). After all, “The best way to protect kids is to design these risks out of existence,” said Dr. Gary Smith of Nationwide Children’s Hospital, the lead author of the policy published in the current issue of Pediatrics.

Design risks out of existence? Seriously? Shall we wrap the kids in a bubble at the same time and forbid them any and all sporting activities, which carry their own great risks? And why stop with man-made items? I'm sure given time and funding some mad scientist can reinvent the shape of potentially lethal produce. Just imagine the fields and fields of genetically-modified crops now. How's that for designing risk out of existence? Maybe all foodstuffs should have the following warning label: "If you ingest this orally, you may choke and die. Eat at own risk."

Seriously, if pediatricians want to freak out about something, why not worry about the contents of these sodium-laden man-made foods. Parents can manipulate the shape in their kitchens if it's really a choking hazard, but there's little they can do about the stuff packed inside those wieners (aside from comparing labels). Surely a bunch of educated folks can pick better battles to wage. Risk is part of life, and diligently cutting food for tiny mouths is part of being a parent.

I think a friend captured the sentiment well: "Gotta love the no-risk antiseptic culture that is manifesting itself ... My kid is going to eat hot dogs in the woods over a freaking open pit fire using sticks from trees as skewers!"

Here's another common sense piece about the hot dog debacle.

When tasteless and cheap merge

2010-02-08T15:08:00.002-05:00

If we thought the puffin ad was a great joke in the world of political ads gone wrong, check out this spot coming out of California.

Yeah, if people are too busy laughing at your lousy ad to get the message, there's a problem. Can anyone take this candidate seriously now?

Sad news day

2009-10-14T09:55:00.007-04:00

At the Mission? I had no idea. The Ottawa Citizen explains it better than the other paper, but this bit is from the Ottawa Sun:

Normee Ekoomiak, a Inuk man who left the shores of James Bay and became a renowned artist, author and later an addict, amputee and homeless man in Ottawa, died Monday. He was 61.

Ekoomiak had both legs and eight fingers amputated two years ago and was a far cry from the man that produced two paintings that are in the National Gallery.

From an early age, Ekoomiak showed he had a knack with a sewing needle. He'd soon move on from stitching garments and boots to more elaborate embroidery before turning to painting. The Canadian government hired him to be artist-in-residence at world exposition pavilions. Macmillan Canada published two of his books. But he hit the bottle hard and was living on the streets by the early 1990s.

Earlier this month, he talked with Sun freelance writer Ron Corbett at the Ottawa Mission. Corbett wrote: "He was a polite host the day I visited, although his room was spartan. There was nothing of a personal nature anywhere to be seen."

"I gave it all away," Ekoomiak said. "I did not want to have it around anymore."

There will be a service at the Mission on Friday starting at 1 p.m.

Aha! Knew it

2009-07-30T21:46:00.002-04:00

A quote from Bluesfest was bugging me because I was sure it was wrong. But I wasn't taking notes and I couldn't find it anywhere to be sure. Well, I finally found a clip from that night.

Ed Kowalczyk said: "I'd like to thank Busta Rhymes for getting the hell off the stage" and not "I'd like to thank Busta Rhymes for getting the eff off the stage" as the Ottawa Sun reported.

Not that it matters. The point was the same, and from the video I think almost everyone agreed. Also, the reaction from the guy in the hat (I think it's Ed's brother, Adam) is kinda funny. Yay for the video clip!

Alien visit

2009-07-28T13:10:00.006-04:00

A UFO was spotted in Ottawa Monday night. Apparently our extraterrestrial counterparts were checking out the Ottawa River. Since there are reports of unidentified lights zipping along the waterway, a booming sound, and now the Department of National Defence is checking out the scene, I think Ottawa's ripe for some conspiracy theories.

A quick search suggests this area is a "UFO hotspot." Here's a gem: Quebec abduction case. Well, it's the nation's capital and the area gets lots of tourists every year, so no one should be surprised the city's charms have reached the ears (or whatever they might have) of those farther afield.

I'm just waiting for the saucer of green men (and women, or whatever they might be) to descend on Parliament Hill.

UPDATE (Wed. July 29): The search is called off. The parties involved were: Ottawa Police Service, Ottawa Fire Department, Ottawa Paramedic Service, Gatineau Police, and CFB Trenton Search and Rescue. That's a lot of folks for a light plummeting into the water. An unidentified object has been spotted in the water, but the camera can't get a good look at it, so it will remain a mystery for now. At this point we should cue either the Twilight Zone or X-files music. I vote for X-files.

F U Busta Rhymes!

2009-07-18T19:46:00.008-04:00

If you aren't going to get your sorry self on stage on time, don't force the second act and those waiting to hear them to sit back and wait 30 minutes while you mix your shit. Seriously. What was up with that?

The quick explanation: At Bluesfest Thursday, July 16 and Busta Rhymes is set to play the Bank of America stage at 7 p.m. Live is set to play the nearby Rogers stage at 8 p.m. Busta Rhymes didn't show up on time and instead hit the stage around 8 p.m. So fans at the Rogers stage had to listen to his crap mix for about 30 minutes with NO explanation as to what was going on. Needless to say, the crowd was getting restless waiting for Live while having to listen to something they didn't want to hear. Chants for Live got a quick appearance from Ed, who waved at the crowd and seemed to encourage the chanting, but no announcement, although most surmised Live had to wait because there'd be too much bleed between the competing stages. And at some point during Busta Rhymes attempt at a performance, someone went out, whispered in someone's ear, and then the audience was told he'd have to cut it short. It was a mercy to those gathered for Live when he did, in fact, shut up.

A couple of songs into Live's set, Ed confirmed what everyone had guessed when he thanked Busta Rhymes for getting the hell off the stage so Live could play. That garnered a cheerful response from the crowd. Unfortunately, it meant Live's encore bled into the beginning of Styx's performance. Despite that, it was a great show. Would've been nice to have had those lost 30 minutes. As an aside, Lawrence Gowan as Styx covering Gowan's Criminal Mind was freaking awesome!

The bigger issue is Bluesfest organizers, though. They really weren't in top form Thursday night. Mike Taylor cancelled and they still had him listed on the screens that night. When 8 p.m. rolled around they still had Busta Rhymes set for 7 p.m. and Live set for 8 p.m. I get that they changed the schedule on the fly, but seriously, if you're going to do that, at least make an announcement and don't leave the crowd hanging. Or, better yet, tell the latecomer he didn't make deadline, don't pay him, and run with the next act as scheduled.

I've yet to see an explanation for Busta Rhymes' late appearance. Rumours suggest he got held up in Montreal or was having a fit because he wasn't headlining. Whatever it was, it's not very professional and ended up being just a major fuck up all around.

Fishing for garden gnomes?

2009-06-25T16:05:00.005-04:00

The NCC would like their gardening implements back:

"The Ottawa RCMP Traffic Section and their partners are currently investigating an accident that occurred this morning. A large truck from a landscaping company parked eastbound on Colonel By Drive, on the National Capital Commission (NCC) property, rolled into the Rideau Canal. No one was in the vehicle at the time of the accident.
This accident resulted in damages to the greenery, as well as some fences on the NCC property.
Some gardening items may be floating on the Rideau Canal. We ask that if you see such items that you contact NCC at 1-800-465-1867."

So, if you see a gnome floating face down in the canal, you now know what to do :) Who says Ottawa's boring?

For whatever it's worth, the Ottawa Sun has video.

Hating Ticketmaster

2009-04-14T23:05:00.003-04:00

Regular ticket price? - check
Facility charge? - check
Convenience charge? - check
Delivery (print it yourself at home) fee? - check
Order processing fee? - check

'nuff said.
I suddenly recall why I hate concert prices. They're artificially inflated in so many ways.

Hopefully this is worth the stupidity that is Ticketmaster.

Foolishness

2009-04-03T11:18:00.002-04:00

Sometimes the pranks work, sometimes they fall flat on their face. Of course, it seems one of these stories was more obviously a joke than the other, but I say this not having seen the original Pembroke story. It appears, though, that they made the mistake of quoting real people instead of attributing information to Dr. Jack Russell.

And sticking with the world of news, it seems the Ottawa Citizen has decided to take on racy adverts. It's the "skankification" of young women, a writer argues. I suspect he's never heard of American Apparel, but I guess it could be dismissed as not your average mom-and-pop shopping destination.

Who's the fool

2009-04-01T17:04:00.003-04:00

Today's a good day to take bizarre news with a grain of salt. For example, here's a little gem that was sent my way. I admit I was taking it in at first, but something just didn't seem quite right. Then I got to this part:

But another genetics expert, Dr. Jack Russell, questioned how successful the program will be.
"Quite frankly, this whole scheme stinks to high heaven," he said.

Not to mention the $500 fine for the first offence. Wow. They're really into protecting shoes in Edmonton, aren't they? Oh, and the number at the bottom of the story... plugging it into a search engine reveals that it's the number to the paper.

You know what this means? Tomorrow I'll have to check the Edmonton Sun's page and see if they share the joke and let us know how many readers called the 'city.' I doubt it'll be up there with BBC's spaghetti crop, but it's got to be worth some laughs in the morning.

A flare?

2009-03-20T21:37:00.003-04:00

I must be a magpie. A shiny object caught my attention. Then I started to wonder what it was. Since I didn't want to ruin a new pair of dress pants, I didn't bother sloshing out into the field to find out what it was. Although it occurs to me I have a pair of rubber boots in my trunk at all times ... just in case.

It's not quite over yet

2009-01-29T21:22:00.002-05:00

While the optimist would agree with the link in the last post (it now says "yes," unless you click on it a second time) but I'd prefer "maybe." There is, after all, the need for both sides to ratify it. It's unlikely they won't, but who knows? This is the city and the union we're speaking about, here.

Of course, agreeing to binding arbitration with no strings attached 51 days after the strike starts is absurd. Seriously. Why didn't they just agree they couldn't agree and go that route at the beginning? Oh. Right. The feds were prorogued because Harper was having his own little political meltdown and the powers-that-be weren't breathing down city/union collective neck with the threat of back-to-work legislation. So, 51-plus days later and they're where they could've been on day one, with the exception of all the commuting headaches that ensued. This city kills me.

Of course, some conspiracy theorists are suggesting the newest development has more to do with getting things up and running and cleaning up the mess as best as they can before Obama comes to town. Ha. Even if it ends tomorrow, it'll take a while to get the system running. And ridership? Forget it. There'll be plenty of folk who've forsaken Ottawa's public transit.

The aftermath might be as interesting as the strike itself.

Is the bus strike over yet?

2009-01-26T19:37:00.001-05:00

Here's your most up-to-date answer.

Bush on Virgin

2009-01-10T16:57:00.003-05:00

The Bear is no more. Virgin bought it. And while I expect there to be some growing pains, I've had to listen to some songs that make me wonder if the format will be changed enough for me to have to find another station. Only time will tell.

The best part, though, is when the host said "It's Bush on Virgin." It's childish, I know, but it made me giggle. It probably doesn't help that the comment came after the host was talking about pants-free subway day being Jan. 10. As she noted, even if Ottawans wanted to stretch and make the O-Train their subway, it's not something anyone will be taking part in here.

Which brings me to the month-old strike (older, actually). Dunno what more can be said about the transit strike that hasn't already been said in almost every forum imaginable. The only real impact for me is the increased commute times thanks to the extra vehicles on the roads. Oh, and the hassle of carpooling a colleague -- that's cramping my style a bit. But I don't rely on transit (thankfully). I recall relying on transit during the '96 strike because I was still in high school. We crammed so many people in little cars, I'm surprised the police didn't pull us over. It was an interesting way to get to know classmates.

What I will say about the current strike is that it seems both sides have backed themselves into a corner and aren't willing to give an inch to even get back to the table. It's become more about saving face than working toward a real solution, which is a big problem. They sit on opposite sides, trading insults and contradicting one another in a very public way, and don't get anything done. The solution? Mayor Larry goes running to the feds for some help, so they force union members to vote on the city's last offer. The members vote it down by about 75%. Now the union can wave that in the face of city negotiators and say "I told you so." Nothing solved. The strike continues. Animosity grows.

A mediator is talking to both sides, separately, on Monday, according to reports. Maybe they'll find some common ground and get them back at the table. Maybe not. I've taken a bit of heat already for not coming out and calling the union bull-headed and demanding they lose their jobs. Well, like it or not, I don't actually believe everything the city says. While the union seems a bit radicalized (just check this out -- with their chanting, "brother and sister" propaganda talk, and lack of detailed analysis), I don't exactly trust the people who run this city, either. Of course, there's no way an employer shouldn't have more control over scheduling. The union isn't fighting the good fight on that one, especially in the realm of public opinion (not that the leaders seem to care, given their comments). It's a sticking point neither party will give on, though.

Binding arbitration might be the only solution, at this point.

A sign of the time?

2008-10-28T18:25:00.005-04:00

Print newspapers aren't doing well this week.

There's the Christian Science Monitor that's shutting it's daily print edition in favour of going online. The story says after suffering financially for decades, it'll switch to the electronic format and weekend print editions.

The outlook for the future of print is a bit gloomy on our side of the border too. Apparently Ottawa-based Frank Magazine (not to be confused with the one in Halifax) is folding, both print and online. I'll let you decide if that's really a blow to journalism.

In New Brunswick the Carleton Free Press is shutting down operations as well. Why it's closing is becoming an interesting discussion. Is it because of big bad monopolies or just the market?

NOTE: I know it's a crappy photoshop job, but I don't have time to bother making it super pretty :)

Transitway memories

2008-10-05T13:47:00.002-04:00

Ottawa's Transitway is turning 25 years old and the city has decided to celebrate by calling on residents to share their Transitway memories. In 500 words or less, riders are being encouraged to tell the city about their memorable encounters.

To quote transit committee chair Coun. Alex Cullen (from a press release): “We want to hear that story about how that charming person sitting beside you ended up becoming your spouse, or how a wonderful driver or kind passenger turned an ordinary day into an extraordinary one."

Uh huh. Surly staff and elected reps at the city can't be stupid enough to not realize what sorts of stories they're bound to get. Seriously. Transitway memories... that conjures up some less than celebratory-inducing stories.

A few of us were discussing the hilarity of this exercise. Here are the stories the concept of "Transitway memories" elicited:

1. Six years later there are still different breeds of the westbound 95s -- one to Baseline, one to Fallowfield and one to Strandherd. There are about two Baseline buses for each of the others, despite Barrhaven being one of the fastest growing communities. Just try getting on the Strandherd or Fallowfield ones -- they're always too packed.

2. Sex in a bus shelter surprise.

3. Encounters on the ghetto #2 bus with a man that was pants-free while wearing a top hat and a gaping trench coat.

4. The time two 95s were zipping along the Transitway in opposite directions, managed to knock each other's mirrors off while passing and didn't bother to stop.

5. Three words: no snow tires.

6. Taking the last 95 of the night/morning to Baseline, each time the bus pulled forward about half a dozen empty beer bottles would roll backwards under the seats and down the aisle, and when it stopped they'd roll forward.

7. Buses that just fail to show up, and 30 minutes later all arrive at the same time.

Caffeine intoxication anyone?

2008-09-24T12:06:00.002-04:00

Remember that rant a while back about energy drinks? Well it's making headlines. Not the rant, but the issue in general. The Ottawa Citizen is running with this: Alarm grows over energy drinks.

The list at the end of the piece is interesting. The only problem is that it's probably U.S.-centric, which really sucks for a Canadian publication. From everything I've heard, and from what I've been able to find, Mountain Dew in Canada isn't caffeinated. Both CBC and BBC seem to support that tidbit of info.

Voting for mediocrity

2008-09-11T11:05:00.002-04:00

It's election time again and it seems some candidates didn't bother waiting for the official call before their signs started popping up. Of course, some candidates used their budget as an elected rep a few weeks back to send out pamphlets that looked far more like campaign literature than the usual constituency information brochures. Rules? Pulling from the wrong budget? Blurring the lines between being an MP and being a candidate? Whatever could I be suggesting here?

Nothing new, that's for sure.

Pushing aside for a moment all the talk about fixed election dates and the spirit of the law versus the letter of the law (and who's breaking which promises), let's take a brief and absurd look at the leaders and see what options Canadians have this October.

Stephen Harper - One word: censorship. Unfair? Okay, *you* explain where the information flow got cut off following the last election.

Stephane Dion - If you can't be charismatic enough to win support the old-fashioned way, jump on the ever-popular environmental bandwagon and introduce something green and watch it implode.

Jack Layton - Remember Ontario under the NDP? Exactly.

Gilles Duceppe - Unless you live in Quebec you can't vote for Duceppe and his cronies, which says more than you might think.

Elizabeth May - With no chance of forming a government, the only real question is whether she'll get to at least join the national debates.

And it starts...

2008-08-18T16:08:00.006-04:00

This one's put work to a bit of a standstill, with everyone in the office at the windows chatting with a hint of excitement or fear. Which camp do you belong in?

What's next on council's agenda?

2008-08-01T09:59:00.006-04:00

The City of Ottawa is having a bad run since the election. That the mayor couldn't keep his election promise to freeze taxes shouldn't actually surprise anyone, but there's a growing list of legal matters that the city has racked up since the election that are troubling (and potentially quite costly). It really makes you wonder what this council is trying to accomplish, if it's trying to accomplish anything at all. Here's the breakdown, in no particular order.

1. Before the election, council agreed to build LRT, complete with contract. Long story short, they voted on it again after the election. Now, it's important to note that we're talking about almost all the same council members here. So, following the election they voted on the same thing they previously approved, only this time they decided to cancel the contract. Not shockingly, the group they had the contract with wasn't impressed with this apparent flip-flop. The city is being sued for $177 million over the cancelled contract.

2. There's no point going into the sewage overflow of 2006 since I've mentioned it in previous posts. Suffice it to say that this could cost the city a bit of money. The provincial Ministry of the Environment has charged the city with two alleged offences under the Ontario Water Resource Act. The first charge is for allegedly causing or permitting the discharge of material, namely sewage, into the Ottawa River. The second is for allegedly failing to notify the ministry on Aug. 15, 2006. The fines can be anywhere from $25,000 to $6 million for each day or part of a day on which each offence occurred. That could put taxpayers on the hook for around $72 million.

3. This one isn't specific to council, but is instead related to the mayor (the supposed leader of council). Old news, but he's been charged with two criminal counts related to the bribery probe stemming from the election. Innocent until proven guilty, he hasn't relinquished his post. Only time will tell on this one.

With leadership that brings these sorts of results... well, I'll let you decide how to finish that one. November 2010 can't come soon enough.

The best medicine

2008-07-28T14:15:00.004-04:00

It's good to laugh. In fact, it's about time we laughed more often. I don't mean a chuckle or a giggle. I mean REALLY laugh. Sometimes life requires an injection of humour. In the spirit of optimism and finding the ticklish side of life, I share this press release from the Ottawa Police. It's good to see even they can have some fun with strange incidents.

Police arrest iguana for impeding traffic

The Ottawa Police Service reports the following: On 25 July, at approx. 04:15 hrs, Ottawa Police responded to a complaint about a three foot iguana on the roadway in the area of Fisher at Malibu Terrace. Four officers worked together to corral the subject, using a makeshift lasso to effect a safe capture.
The identity of the iguana is yet to be confirmed. He is a colourful mix of green, yellow and brown. The iguana has been conveyed without incident to an interim iguana-friendly location pending a hopeful reunion with its family members (owners).
Anyone who has information on the identity of this iguana, or who is the rightful guardian, is asked to contact....

CBC picked up the story. If you check the right column, you'll find video too.

Kaboom!

2008-07-20T11:19:00.004-04:00

So the lower south stands at Frank Clair (aka Lansdowne) are gone. They imploded this morning around 8 a.m. Why this didn't wake me up is a bit of a mystery. Guess being ill and exhausted will do that, though.

You can see the video of the implosion here.

Now the question of what to do with Lansdowne still seems up in the air a bit. The potential problem is that there's been way to much emphasis on bringing a CFL team back. Teams didn't make a go of it in the past, what makes everyone certain they'll be able to make a go of it now? (Rough Riders folded in 1996 and the Renegades were suspended in 2006 - will three times really be a charm?) Focusing on the return of a team is dicey, given what's happened in the past. Heck, even the Sens have had a rough go of it, financially. If the CFL team folds again, what do we do with the infrastructure left over? Lansdowne is a great piece of land that could probably use a whole different development scheme. Of course, that would likely require a city council that is less fractured and actually has a strong leader who's capable of building consensus. Given that requirement, there's probably not much hope for doing something fun at Lansdowne.

As an aside, is the Ex ever going to move to its Albion location?

Speaking of firemen

2008-07-16T13:12:00.003-04:00

The Cumberland Heritage Village Museum held a Firefighters and Protective Services Day over the weekend. Emergency crews took apart a car, ran some obstacles, and taught kids how to use a fire extinguisher. Despite being a relatively cool day, some decided to hose each other down.

The fireman spin

2008-07-11T10:10:00.003-04:00

Here's a quick pole dancing update, since peeps are curious and I had my first class last night.

The sum it up, from a fitness perspective: there are muscles I forgot I had that are aching this morning. It totally worked the thighs, abs, arms and back. Most especially the thighs, arms and back. The instructor said it really works the abs too, but I didn't notice it as much. One thing that should be noted is the potential for bruising. It's probably just a practice thing and over time it won't be much of an issue.

Now the non-fitness perspective: despite the name of the move we did near the end, I doubt any fireman (I know, "firefighter" is PC, but I believe there's nothing PC about pole dancing, so screw it) has ever done that with a pole, or at least done that and survived the inevitable harassment that would soon follow. The class also included some hair whipping and butt slapping. No joke! We actually had a short routine nailed by the end of the first session. The class, which only has six students, included lots of laughing and clapping. Perhaps that makes it good for body and soul.

As for the colour of the poles... they're silver.

Move over Monet

2008-07-01T21:56:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday Canada!

For once I skipped the downtown crowd and instead played with my camera along the Rideau River. Got to watch the black swans, lots of ducks, a number of red winged blackbirds and, of course, gulls and pigeons. Probably should've taken some feed. It might've made getting pics of the swans easier. I also grabbed a shot of the water lilies because I thought the flower was pretty. For fun, I might run it through some photoshop filters and make it look like the work of a French impressionist.

The day didn't provide just art, it also offered some unusual music. Sitting on some rocks playing with settings and lenses, I heard some tinkling above me. Looked up to see a bird perched on a branch. The delicate chime was coming from a fishing lure dangling from the branch, presumably lost after someone cast overhead instead of sidearm. Each time the bird moved, the branch bobbed and the sunbleached lure sang out a sweet tune.

The lost long weekend

2008-06-30T10:05:00.011-04:00

Driving to work was a breeze today. Actually, generally that's the case since I head from the core to the east, unlike the rest of the population which seems to head to the core from all directions. Most mornings I usually feel a bit superior as I zip along the highway and see beside me a near parking lot heading in the opposite direction. But today the 174/417 heading from Orleans to downtown was strangely empty. As I'd guessed, most people are taking today off. If it weren't for deadlines, I'd probably count myself among those who opted for a four-day weekend.

While a lot of people are off, there are still quite a few who have to get stuff done today, enjoy tomorrow off, then slog back in on Wednesday and pick up where they left off. Media have taken hold of that situation and are lamenting "the lost long weekend." Productivity, some argue, will be at a low today. (No kidding... the office here is half empty - or is that half full? - and here I am writing in this forum.) Now if you bothered to follow that link, you might have noticed the following:

"While tough to put a dollar figure on the economic impact this day-long loss of productivity might have, York University marketing professor Richard Leblanc suggested it's there and it's inevitable."

Oddly, this sort of ties in with what I wanted to tackle today. But first I must ask: Why do we have to put a dollar figure on everything in this world? Seriously? Why? Have we reduced ourselves to believing economy and money are all that matter? What ever happened to living life for the sake of... well... living life? Is the means a stressed-out populace with the end being a relatively wealthy society too busy to take pleasure in anything?

On that note, I shall start in on my rant about energy drinks and what they symbolize, at least in my mind. Each time I pass the one and only chain convenience store in Old Ottawa South, I find myself commenting on the billboards advertising one energy drink or another. Marketing campaigns would have us believe these drinks give us wings, prevent drowsiness and facilitate mental alertness. Call me old-fashioned, but I think a good night's sleep, exercise, a mostly balanced diet and proper hydration will do the same thing without the inevitable crash that comes from a caffeine jolt. And those drinks aren't just your run-of-the-mill coffee high. We're talking serious caffeine levels mixed with amino acids and other fun things that may not play well together. But that's up for the scientists and lab techies to decide.

The more interesting part to me is what the energy drink craze is all about. It's the answer to some underlying need to drive ourselves to the end of our rope and beyond without a thought to our mental or physical well-being. It fits in perfectly with society's desire to accomplish more in a shorter period of time with fewer resources. (That sounds like an office I know...) It's the pressure to achieve greater feats at an earlier age (Baby Einstein anyone?). It's the belief that success is measured in dollars and titles instead of laughter and love. It's but part of a whole that is like a disease ripping the humanity from our souls.

Okay, that last bit might be a tad over-the-top, but there's some truth to it. And no, this isn't literally about energy drinks. They're just a metaphor. But more and more I see kids who aren't allowed to be kids anymore. The natural curiosity is being narrowly channeled by a society that seems to have lost sight of what it is to live and instead puts too much value on perception instead of reality. Instead of fun, we're creating artificial ideals injected with a skewed vision of what is meaningful.

Does it really matter if we slow down a bit on Monday? Will the economy crumble if we have an off day now and then? We're losing touch with ourselves here. It's not about things, it's about people. Or at least it should be.

Having said all this, I know someone is going to point out, correctly, that I drink coffee and have been known to spend evenings in the office and skip vacation. We are all, to some degree, a prisoner of the absurdity we've created. That or I'm just bitter about being in the office today :P

Let's get physical

2008-06-27T15:32:00.002-04:00

There's some serious neglect going on here. It's been hectic here of late and, sadly, the long weekend isn't really all it seems since Monday is a work day and Tuesday is a day off. *sigh* Regardless, I figured it was long past time to break the silence on here and share something... anything.

My original options were to discuss something topical in Ottawa like Bluesfest, Canada Day events, snipers at the court house, storms, whatever. But I can't be bothered. Oh, I'll have something to say about Bluesfest after Thursday, most likely, since I plan to break with tradition and actually attend the event. As for Canada Day, it's better in review.

So that leaves me with pole dancing. Yep. That's right. POLE DANCING. And no, I'm not talking about Barefax. I'm referring to a fitness class I just signed up for. Seriously. In two weeks I'll be shaking and grinding and sliding and... well... you get the picture. It's dance with a prop. Or a workout with a naughty twist. Either way, it's something I've talked about trying and finally found the time and place to do it.

The interesting part is the response I get when I happen to mention my newest hobby. It's one of those "OMG" and "Oh la la" and "wow" combos that makes it seem like I'm actually stripping at a club (and yes, the requests for demonstrations have already come in). It shouldn't be all that surprising. Pole dancing classes are gaining in popularity and, while they may not be entirely mainstream, they're not that uncommon. CBC has a video about it.

The only question that remains to be answered... are the poles gold coloured?

Attack of the killer tomatoes

2008-06-12T12:03:00.006-04:00

Uncooked tomatoes have been pulled from Catholic school cafeterias in Ottawa. It's a precaution because of the salmonella scare in the U.S.

A trip to Harvey's last night proved other news to be true - some retailers and restaurants have pulled the red fruit from their shelves and/or menus. I was about to utter "lettuce, tomato, pickle..." to the staff member putting my burger together when I looked down, saw a lack of tomatoes, and then recalled the sign on the door saying they weren't offering it up.

Today I head to Tim Horton's and get a sandwich. I didn't have a chance to indicate what I wanted or didn't want on it because they had it put together before I was done at the cash. Back in the office, I realize I might be eating a killer sandwich. It has *gasp* uncooked tomatoes on it. Apparently Timmy Ho's isn't pulling anything as a "precaution." Perhaps their tomatoes are Canadian... which begs the question: why aren't the local schools and local businesses using locally produced (or at least nationally produced) fruit?

As an aside, with all the scares we had in the past year, I'm contemplating the planting of a garden. Should I embark on such a project, it will undoubtedly be a source of great amusement.

Update: Apparently Tim Horton's DID pull tomatoes. Perhaps the local store didn't read the memo.

The season of cute

2008-06-04T22:41:00.005-04:00

Spring is in the air and the wildlife are creating tiny cute versions of themselves. Came across a family of ducks on the Rideau near Billings. Sadly, the camera battery died after three shots and I don't have a spare. But I got this, at least. Perhaps not as cute as Jesse's encounter, but it's tiny and fuzzy and all that good stuff. Plus I actually have a photo to share :P

After a full charge and a few days, I went to Petrie Island for something completely unrelated to wildlife photography. Couldn't get what I needed, so took a stroll down one of the nature trails. The turtles were out doing whatever turtles do. This group appeared to be playing follow the leader. Hmmmm... wonder what they'd have to say about Fecal-gate, if they could say something.

Oh hail, the tornado forgot to come

2008-06-01T12:16:00.007-04:00

A fiesty supercell passed through the city yesterday (is there any other kind of supercell?), bringing with it thunder, lightning, a torrential downpour and hail. I was in Barrhaven helping to clean-up after a get-together when the thunder resounded in the distance. It just kept randomly rumbling, never amounting to much, so it seemed to be more noise than anything. It looked like it might be swinging to the south, like so many storms here seem to do.

Once done, I got into the car and started heading home. Just as I pulled out, the rain started. No biggie. Then down the street a little way something bangs into my windshield. Hail. Within a few seconds all hell broke loose and everyone - including myself - pulled over to the side of the road as the gods pelted us with little balls of ice.

I'm not talking about a bit of ice, I'm talking LOTS. The wind picked up, the trees bowed over, sacrificing their leaves and even a few small branches to the storm, and the hail pounded down on us, threatening to break something expensive. At this point the need for a basement crossed my mind, but I was too busy watching for something more intense to happen. It didn't.

Anyway, when I got home I checked out my car. A blog headline I read a few years ago - "Oh hail, my Rio is dimpled" - flashed through my brain. My car is not dimpled. The paint, however, is chipped in a few spots. Like I said, it was some serious hail. Guess it's time to get some touch-ups done. That doesn't annoy me too much. It's the storm. After all that, it didn't even have the decency to whip up a tornado... even just a little one.

Tarnished reputations

2008-05-28T21:58:00.005-04:00

If you're looking for a scandal, stop by Ottawa. We've got sexy political espionage and not-so-sexy sewage spills. Both have media crawling over one another and both have resulted in a job loss.

Let's go with sexy first. Maxime Bernier and Julie Couillard did it. CSIS denies involvement. Calls are out to get the RCMP to probe it. Meanwhile the media can't get enough of it and, as a result, the public can't get away from it. The only thing that could make this more exciting would be if we had to run to Munich during the Cold War to get the dirt on the girl. Oh wait, that already happened.

Speaking of dirt, the city has fired a staffer in connection with the sewage spill in 2006. Scapegoat? Investigations are ongoing and it seems each day a bit more info is released, raising a lot more questions. Even the Ministry of the Environment has stepped in (a year after they learned of the spill, if reports are even remotely accurate). If anything can be believed anymore, depending on how that pans out the city could be facing charges. Because... you know... the city and/or its elected reps aren't facing nearly enough trouble as it stands. (LRT? Bribery?)

Now, if a dog poops in the river and someone is there to witness it, chances are there'll be a call to bylaw and an uproar about pets at Petrie. For that matter, even confused cows mucking about waterways raises a stink. Yet over a billion litres of untreated wastewater can spew into the river without anyone mentioning it for two years. In some alternate universe, this might actually make sense.

As an aside, instead of worrying about the issue, some have decided the real problem is the use of the word "poo." Go figure.

Canada's crumbling capital

2008-05-22T22:31:00.005-04:00

If you looked at the headlines on Tuesday, May 20 you might've assumed Ottawa was on the brink of disaster. The three top headlines online at CBC Ottawa were:

Flood shuts Canada's national archives
Ottawa recycling yard on fire for 2nd time in 3 days
Sewage plant problems blamed for Petrie beach woes

So a broken water main caused the archives to flood in the north. Broken water mains aren't that newsworthy, except for the traffic snarls they cause, but let's keep in mind earlier this month there was traffic problems when two different mains broke on major streets downtown. Add the potential damage to the archives and it makes you wonder what's happening below the pavement.

Meanwhile, in the south some dry fire hydrants made fighting the blaze at the recycling plant a bit tricky (apparently this is fire #3 for that place - best paraphrase ever in the article was when they indicated officials were going to look into why the place keeps "bursting into flames"). The city says the mains servicing the hydrants were decommissioned in November 2005 and, for whatever reason, the site wasn't on the list of disconnected hydrants. Why doesn't the city do what other municipalities do: paint disconnected hydrants black. It'll be an immediate indication to emergency response crews that the infrastructure doesn't function and they better search for something more colourful. That sort of visual cue would likely be more useful than a list any day.

To the east end now. The public has just been told that a sewage gate left open for 15 days in 2006 might have contributed to the high E. coli counts down stream at Petrie Island that year. Now everyone is demanding to know why it took two years to disclose this raw sewage spill to the public despite a report being sent to the province right after the malfunction was detected. Ooops. This one promises to be interesting as it plays itself out. The knee-jerk reactions have already started, as have the calls for someone to get fired. And since this little malfunction took place during the election, the conspiracy theorists are undoubtedly having a blast. It's a lot of noise for 15 days. That much raw sewage is gross, but let's remember the core has a combined system, so raw sewage often finds its way into the river. Plus, Petrie was seeing high bacteria levels that summer before the gate was left open, so this is likely just one of many problems the beach faced in 2006.

Of course, on top of this, 24 Sussex is falling apart. With all the excitement, we probably shouldn't even mention the leda clay in the east. Not yet, anyway.

Random insanity

2008-05-14T21:42:00.006-04:00

Figured I'd test video on the site. Going with something streamed from youtube. This music vid always struck me as somewhat insane and totally random. Even the bird of prey at 1:27 looks confused. Stuff comes out of nowhere, and yet, somehow that makes complete sense. Although I'm still wondering what the shrub grass did to offend our hero at the beginning.

Responses to the video seem to range from awesome to retarded (or bragging about beating it on Guitar Hero). I post it here for your amusement... or merely to test stuff out.

Option 100,000: The O-Coaster

2008-05-04T09:30:00.001-04:00

The O-Train looked so sad and lonely wandering through the drizzle yesterday, its three mostly empty cars moving along from Bayview to South Keys. It's one of those city experiments that really helped Carleton students but left the bulk of transit users stuck in buses stuffed with people. Ottawa's transit issue is being overplayed at the moment, mostly because everyone has a different idea to add to the ever growing list of so-called options being proposed by people who really aren't in a position to pretend they have some form of expertise on the matter. Normally I'd not touch the subject, being bored with it, but seeing the O-Train yesterday brought up an interesting point: There are probably roller coasters that move more people than the O-Train.

Along that line of thinking came the excellent idea of scrapping transit options one through a gazillion and instead introducing a roller coaster. Sure, it might mess with the hairdo and make drinking that morning cup of java an experience unto itself, but what a thrill going to work would suddenly become. If theme parks are any indication, people will leave their cars at home and line up for hours just to take a ride on the O-Coaster. And for all those "innovative" types on council looking to snag more revenue for the city, just think of the tourism dollars that could bring in. Plus we wouldn't have to dig a $1 billion tunnel.

Getting started

2008-05-03T10:32:00.003-04:00

This new blog might be the solution to the bandwidth issues I was having with my last one. Work is in progress... In the meantime, I offer the following for your viewing pleasure. No, it's not New Brunswick. It's Belmont Ave. in Old Ottawa South a few weeks ago.