Redesigning the almighty hot dog

American pediatricians are leading a charge to change the phallic shape of the delicious but not-so-nutritious hot dog. It seems the traditional camping favourite is a choking hazard, but unlike carrots, grapes, pears, apples, and popcorn, hot dogs are man-made and their rod-like shape can be easily changed. According to Canadian organization Safekids, about 44 children age 14 and under die every year from choking and another 380 are hospitalized. Almost half of those cases are from choking on food, although there's no indication in the article what foods they are choking on.

The solution? Have manufacturers slice hot dogs lengthwise (shall they eat them for us too?). After all, “The best way to protect kids is to design these risks out of existence,” said Dr. Gary Smith of Nationwide Children’s Hospital, the lead author of the policy published in the current issue of Pediatrics.

Design risks out of existence? Seriously? Shall we wrap the kids in a bubble at the same time and forbid them any and all sporting activities, which carry their own great risks? And why stop with man-made items? I'm sure given time and funding some mad scientist can reinvent the shape of potentially lethal produce. Just imagine the fields and fields of genetically-modified crops now. How's that for designing risk out of existence? Maybe all foodstuffs should have the following warning label: "If you ingest this orally, you may choke and die. Eat at own risk."

Seriously, if pediatricians want to freak out about something, why not worry about the contents of these sodium-laden man-made foods. Parents can manipulate the shape in their kitchens if it's really a choking hazard, but there's little they can do about the stuff packed inside those wieners (aside from comparing labels). Surely a bunch of educated folks can pick better battles to wage. Risk is part of life, and diligently cutting food for tiny mouths is part of being a parent.

I think a friend captured the sentiment well: "Gotta love the no-risk antiseptic culture that is manifesting itself ... My kid is going to eat hot dogs in the woods over a freaking open pit fire using sticks from trees as skewers!"

Here's another common sense piece about the hot dog debacle.